Because I find myself with mucho time on my hands, I have been indulging in my favorite "pamper me" pastime: documentary binging. I know, it's not mani-pedis or chocolate overdosing, but it's still my favorite way to while away the hours, and today's choice was a feature about Gary Ridgway. Oh, you probably would know him better by his other name; "The Green River Killer". Oh yeah. Serial Killers baby. I know some might find the fascination I have for serial killers morbid, but let me assure you that my interest is academic in nature and really, is it any wonder? I am a psychology major after all...and a history major to boot! This kind of documentary is both historical and psychologically compelling. Two birds with one documentary! But I digress....
Gary Ridgway is the most prolific serial killer in the history of the United States. He confessed to killing 71 women during his nearly 20-year crime spree, but it is suspected that the real number is closer to 90. He was convicted of 49 of the murders in 2003, and was spared the death penalty by cooperating with the police and assisting them in finding the bodies of his victims. As part of his penalty phase, he was required to sit in court as his victim's family members made statements regarding the impact his crime had on their lives. As one would expect, person after person came forward spewing hatred, anger, cursing him to hell, insulting him and wishing him a long, agonizingly slow death. Family members raged and cried as they attempted to express the grief, pain and loss that this man had subjected them to and throughout the entire proceeding, Gary Ridgway sat stone-faced. No reaction. No response. No remorse. Just a blank stare. Then a gentleman named Robert Rule, father of 16-year old victim Linda Rule, came to the podium and made this statement:
"Mr. Ridgway, there are people here who hate you, I'm not one of them.
I forgive you for what you've done. You've made it difficult to live up to what I believe, and it is what God says to do, and it is to forgive.
And He doesn't say to forgive just certain people, He says to forgive all. So you are forgiven, sir."
As Mr. Rule spoke, the camera panned to Gary Ridgway as his mouth began to quiver, his eyes filled with tears and his hardened expression cracked. Gary Ridgway cried. What anger and judgment failed to do as person after person condemned him, one individual accomplished with forgiveness.
Forgiveness has been on my mind for a while. Mainly because I have people in my life I need to forgive. Not for anything even approaching the magnitude of what Robert Rule had to forgive Gary Ridgway for, but still painful for me. I have held on to anger and bitterness in an attempt (I think) to insulate me from future pain and to assure that I will never be hurt by those people again. Since I am being honest, I will also confess my unforgiveness is a means of "punishing" people who have hurt me. I have removed myself from their life because they have caused me pain and under the guise of "boundaries" have held their offenses at the forefront of my heart.
It's been a smashing success: I have not been hurt by those people any more. It's also exacted a high price. Someone once said "Bitterness destroys the bridge you need to get over the pain." The same heart that has to be hardened to keep the spark of bitterness alive is the same one needed to approach God and seek forgiveness for sins, to love others, to reach out, to live joyously. You cannot have both bitterness and love in your heart; I am learning that the two are mutually exclusive and the problem is that eventually bitterness will spread to other areas in your life like a fungus. Bitterness is an opportunist, the nagging voice in the back of your head always waiting for a chance to spread. It doesn't matter if it's your spouse, your children, your friends---bitterness will infect your life in very subtle, yet destructive, ways.
Moreover, as the story of Robert Rule so beautifully demonstrates, forgiveness is a powerful weapon to break down walls. All the bitterness in the world has no power to bring healing like one small act of forgiveness does. I have to wonder; who does Gary Ridgway remember as his spends his days in prison? The mob of hatred or the light of one forgiver? The heart that holds people hostage to their transgressions and doesn't forgive, forfeits the chance to make a difference in the lives of those individuals who so desperately need, like we all do, to be shown God's love. That's what God's forgiveness is; an outpouring of His great love for us. If I want God's love to flow through me, I have to forgive. It's that simple.
You wouldn't think that a documentary about a serial killer could have such a profound spiritual lesson embedded in it, and for most people, it probably doesn't, but that is the amazing thing about God. He uses the everyday mundane to kick us in the tookus and open our eyes to areas in our lives that need refining and growth. I am so glad I decided to watch that documentary instead of cleaning the toilet!
