"Do Over"

"The Times.  They are a changin'."  You are so right Bob Dylan. 

I will soon be an "empty nester".  My daughter has moved out and my son is leaving for college in three weeks.  Yes, I have Rene's boys, but it's not the same.  MY children are grown, and although I know I will always be a part of their lives, my "hands on" work with them is done.  Bizarre.  I have spent a lot of time thinking about the way I raised my children and there are things I am so proud of and things in which I have regrets.  There are things I wish I could "do over".  I want to share a few in hopes that you might avoid some of the pitfalls I fell into.

My "DO-OVER" Wish List

1) Pray for my children more
I prayed for my children, but I wish I had prayed for them more.  I wish I hadn't been so short-sighted in my prayers for them.  When they were little, I prayed for safety for them, guidance to raise them etc...but didn't pray for the people they would become.  I regret that.  Pray, pray, pray for your children.

2)  Choose carefully the "hills you are willing to die on"
In my zeal to be a good mom, I wasted a lot of time fighting with my kids over things that now seem trivial.  I fought with Rhianna over her hair, her clothes, her friends, her love of Orlando Bloom.  How dumb.  I now wish that I had said "YES" more so that when I said "NO" it would have had more impact.  There are issues that I am willing to figuratively "die' for.  Drugs. Purity. Jesus.  But whether or not she can wear her hair in a messy bun?  It seems so stupid now.  And controlling.  Choose carefully those hills!

3)  Spend time with your kids.  Not just doing the fun stuff, but teaching them life stuff.
I really wish I had spent more time teaching my children to how to cook, balance a check book, and why it's necessary to sort the darks and the whites.  I had my kids do chores, but other things, such as how to break down a whole chicken, I always did myself because it was easier.  Now that they will be on their own, I really wish I had taught them those skills.  If nothing else, they would have been able to save money replacing their clothes after laundry disasters.

4)  Watch your tongue
I am sure this one seems like a "no brainer", but let me explain.  I am a HUGE jokester.  I love to make jokes, tease and make people laugh.  I love the ease my children and I have with each other; the joking and the amazing sense of humor they both have, but I also know that there were times that I went too far and said things that hurt my kids.  I truly regret that.  Especially my tender girl.  Sorry Dolly.  My advice?  Don't do it.  Don't jest.  Don't tease.  It's too easy to slip up and too easy to hurt someone.  I also wish that I had worked harder to not speak ill or be critical of others in front of my kids.  I have fought with a critical spirit for years and it is one of my greatest sorrows to see that passed on in any degree to my children. 

The Bible is pretty clear:
    "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."  Ephesians 4:29

I think anyone who reads their Bible with any regularity knows of this verse, I know I sure did.  I justified my behavior however, by adjusting my definition of what "unwholesome" was.  In my brain it was "dirty" talk.  Sexual jesting, swearing etc.  Not even close to the kind of yakity-yakking I did with my children.  Just for kicks and giggles, I looked up "unwholesome" in the dictionary:

un·whole·some/ˌənˈhōlsəm/Adjective: Not characterized by or conducive to health or moral well-being.


Very convicting to me.  Was my teasing or joking conducive to my children's mental health?  Was my critical and unkind spirit encouraging to my children's moral well-being?  NO!  Watch your tongue!

Bottom line:  I love my children and I am very proud of the people they are.  I made a lot of mistakes, but God is bigger than my mistakes.  The times are a' changin', but I am changing too, and if someone wants to drop a baby on my doorstep, don't worry.  I got this.   

The "Little Devil" In Me

Lately, I have been faced with some life circumstances that, in addition to being extremely painful, are completely out of my ability to handle or repair.  As a founding member of "Jessica's Control Freak Society", to say I dislike this helplessness is a massive understatement.

When faced with circumstances such as these, the storms of life, I have a choice to make.  I can either throw myself on God's mercy, praying that He gives me the grace and peace to make it through OR I can throw myself around in useless activity and relentless mental gymnastics.  Today when I was doing the gymnastic thing, I thought of myself like this "little devil"...

Much like my buddy "Taz", I spin myself in circles, I splutter and choke and jump up and down wanting this challenge to just be over already.  I grow weary of the storm, I get sick of the pain, and honestly, I occasionally just want to lie down and not get up. Ever.  

"The LORD hath His way in the whirlwind and in the storm." 

Nahum 1:3

Here's the thing:  God IS going to have His way, whether I cooperate or not.  When Brennan was little and didn't want to go where I asked him to go, he would "drop anchor" and I would be forced to pick him up and physically move him (usually gaining himself a painful bottom at the end of the trip).  Well, God as my Father, is not opposed to picking me up and putting me where He told me to go.  Like Brennan, I will end up where my parent put me; it just tends to hurt more when they have to do the moving!

The neat thing to realize about the whirlwind and storm is not only will God have his way in them, but he is IN them.  He is right there next to me, battling it out, dragging me when necessary and comforting me when my spirit flags.  I am so grateful to have such an amazing Father.  I am so glad He keeps revealing the stubborn parts in me, because honestly, the "little devil" look isn't all that flattering on me.