When I was in high school, my family went swimming for the afternoon at a really huge pond. We were all in the water swimming and splashing around, just having a fabulous time, when I got this really creepy feeling. I cannot describe it, but I just felt like something was wrong. As I bobbed around in the water, I started feeling as though something was touching my legs. I paddled around a little looking for an explanation for the bumps and touches I would intermittently feel. Realizing I was alone in the area sent me swimming to the shore in a panic! When I got onto the beach, I told my older brother Micky about the touches and he said it was probably fish bumping into my legs. Nothing to worry about. I immediately felt better and the cloud was lifted.
That night, we were watching the 11 o'clock news when a story about a missing man came on. He had been located, earlier in the evening....in the pond where I had been swimming. Police divers had pulled his body from the area in the pond where I was. He had been there for quite a while. Needless to say, I freaked out. What if that dead guy had been touching my legs? What if it was his phantom fingers reaching out from the murky depths of the pond and brushing my feet? I had nightmares for a long time and in all honesty, I have never recovered from it.
Since that day more than 20 years ago, I have not gone swimming in anything other than a pool. No lie. At a lake, I will wade out a little ways, take a lawn chair and plop my tooshie down and do some power reading whilst dipping my toes in the cool water. But I won't venture out any farther than that; I know far too much about what possibly lies beneath my ability to see. I know what you are thinking; and I agree. The possibility that my feet will somehow locate another dead dude is remote at best, but when I get out in the water and it does not permit me to see what is in it, I freeze and cannot go any farther.
To me, my future is like a lake that I gaze into and cannot see what is below the surface. I fear the future in much the same way I fear any non-chlorinated body of water and for the same reason: I cannot see what lies in it. I may not seem like it, but I am actually a very plan-full person. I like knowing what is coming down the pike. I like planning ahead, knowing what's up and being able to anticipate what I will need or need to do. I do like lists, order and schedules even if I am not all that rigid about making sure the list gets done, or the schedule is followed. It's just nice to know it's there percolating in my brain.
This is why the future is so hard for me...God has given me nothing to percolate on! I am certain of nothing except that nothing is certain. I can't see what God's plans are for me and He did that on purpose. Where is my faith to follow Him if I can see where He is leading?
Confession time: Beneath this laid-back exterior lies the heart (and the stomach aches) of a dyed-in-the-wool worrywart. I don't share it, I don't talk about it and I don't like to think about it, but the worry is there. I feel it in my stomach. I find it in the night when I cannot sleep. It distracts me from my present and robs me of my future. I spend so much time on the worry that I forget to trust.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on Me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, " declares the LORD....Jeremiah 29:11-14a
This is a classic verse, quoted so much it's almost a cliche...but it's truth rings forth so strongly to me. The question is, DO I TRUST GOD FOR MY FUTURE?
Here's the comfort in all this blah blah blah I am sharing. I can't see the future. It is a black, murky, bloggy mess to me, but not to God! HE sees the future. HE has a plan for my life. HE is the boss of me and knows what is going to happen. He doesn't promise my future will turn out the way I want, but He does promise to give me a hope and future that will not cause me harm and will only prosper me. This gives me reason to rejoice, reason to keep going and reason to once again, thank God that I am His child. With this hope, and this reassurance of God's faithfulness, I am going to endeavor to look upon the future with anticipation and not fear. I want to enjoy every second of my life and not regret the moments lost by worrying about things I cannot change. Once again I find myself saying, "Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift!" II Corinthians 9:15
P.S. I am almost 100% positive that my future will be dead-guy-in-the-pond free!
