I Knew Better and Did Nothing...

Last night I was blessed and honored to be asked to speak at "Girl's Nite In", an organization that reaches out to teen girls and speaks to them honestly about real-life topics.  It is such a special outreach because nothing is off-limits.  Girls can ask questions of caring, Godly women and be assured that they are getting honest and transparent answers.  I love GNI and I am so priveleged to be be a group leader to some precious Sophomore girls! 

The topic I was asked to share about was "Toxic Relationships"; a subject I know far too much about.  In fact, I have had so much experience with toxic relationships, that I had a tough time narrowing it down to which one to share!  I actually started out going down one road, but ended up going down another...a toxic friendship. 

When it came time to prepare what I was going to say, I sat down and blasted out my testimony in just a couple hours.  God poured it out of me and I knew it was from Him.  I just knew He had something He wanted me to say to these girls.  I felt confident that I had heard Him correctly and it was confirmed by one of the leaders of Girl's Night In. 

What I didn't expect was the impact my own words would have on me.  Last night, as I was sharing my feelings about my former friend, and the obvious lack of Christ in her life, God slammed me with an overwhelming sense of sorrow and realization:  I FAILED HER.  I knew Christ, I knew better and I didn't share the truth of His freedom and salvation with her for fear of losing her as a friend.  I had years to share the truth with her and chose not too.  I failed her.  I failed God. 

In the months since our breakup, I have had so much anger and resentment toward this person.  She hurt me terribly; betrayed me and continues to this day to foster a relationship with my daughter that is agonizingly painful to me.  All these offenses however, pale in comparison to the sorrow I felt last night when God ripped that veil of anger away from my eyes and showed me in technicolor reality that she was lost, how could I expect any different from her?  I however, was the Christian and did nothing.  I knew better and I did nothing...

During my talk last night, I made sure that I mentioned that toxic relationships start somewhere.  No one becomes "toxic" without help.  For me, my toxic origins came from my family, but because of Jesus' redeeming love for me, I have been given the opportunity to break free from those toxic patterns.  My former friend's toxic origins came from her family as well.  I had an opportunity to help her affect a positive change in her life and familial patterns and I did nothing.  I could have shared Jesus more bodly; confront her in love with the gospel and the truth of Jesus' life-changing love.  I could have made a difference that could have changed her and her children's lives.  I did nothing and now, the opportunity is gone.  One day I will have to answer to God for my negligence. 

I share this reality with you because I hope you will learn from my mistakes.  If you have friends who don't know the Lord, please don't delay---share the love of Jesus with them.  Things can change in a moment and you may not have that chance in the future to share Jesus with them that you think you will.  As Christians, we know better and we can't stand by and do nothing when our friend's eternal life is on the line.

Dear Jesus,

 

Please forgive me for my sin of neglecting to share the life-changing power of your salvation with my friend.  I know that you are greater than my mistakes and I ask Father that you might right my wrongs by bringing someone into my former friend's life that is braver and bolder than I and will share the truth with her.  Jesus, I pray that she might come to know you as Savior and that she would be healed by your redeeming love.  Lord, continue to work in my heart and may I never again become so selfish and self-centered that I forget that I am your servant first, a friend second.

 

In Jesus Name,

Amen

Resolved

RESOLVE re*solve (verb)- to come to a definite or earnest decision about; determine (to do something)


I have a confession to make.  It isn't easy for me to admit, but I think doing so will help me grow in an area that has troubled me for quite some time.  Be gentle with me in your thoughts as you read what I am about to say....

I am a terrible church attender.  I love our church and I love our church family, but I struggle with regular attendance.  I always intend to go,  but when Sunday morning rolls around, I struggle.  This isn't to say that there haven't been times when I legitimately could not go (I have struggled with a nasty sinus thing and knee problems since mid-November---but, I digress...)  The point is that I struggle.

It wasn't always so.  I attended church faithfully for years and years.  I went every time the doors were open and my kids knew that Sunday was church day-no exceptions.  I was heavily involved in ministry too; I sang in the choir, on the worship team and worked in the nursery.  I attended bible studies and went on ladies retreats.  I volunteered to make meals and took my kids to AWANA every Wednesday.  My life centered around my church and I was blessed and happy.

So what happened?

Several years ago, I started dealing with past childhood abuses and entered intensive counseling.  The issues I dealt with were so intense that I started having panic attacks and couldn't leave the house.  I gained nearly 80 pounds and slipped into a deep depression.  In fact, I was so deeply troubled in my spirit that I started questioning my faith and questioning God's presence in my life.  I never doubted my salvation, but I doubted God's sovereignty.  Regardless of the reasons and the circumstances, I stopped going to church.  I still read my bible and prayed regularly, but all told, I stopped going to church for nearly two years.   After a lot of hard work, I was able to come to the place of healing and started feeling like a new and improved me.  I started college and dedicated myself to helping others who had gone through the same types of abuses that I had.  The only problem was that I had lost a very important habit: church.  I got out of the habit of attending church and have battled the temptation to stay in my jammies ever since. 

I take this struggle pretty seriously because God commanded me (and you too!) :

"And let us be concerned about one another in order to promote love and good works, not staying away from our worship meetings, as some habitually do, but encouraging each other, and all the more as you see the day drawing near ."  Hebrews 10:24-25 (HCSB)

In not attending church regularly, I am knowingly disobeying a command of the Lord and am sinning.  My friends, I don't want to sin anymore!  My life has to change and what better time than the start of a fresh new year? 

As I abhor New Year's resolutions, I won't be making one regarding my church attendance; but what I am going to do is resolve.  Resolve to attend church faithfully.  Resolve to become more involved.  Resolve and commit to become a faithful member of my church and contribute to the church family in meaningful ways.  I resolve that this year, I will get my "church habit" back.

Will you pray for me as I endeavor to change my life?  I know the enemy is going to come after me with all he has to keep me from making this change, so I could really use the support. 

I wish you (and me) a Happy and Resolved New Year!