I Knew Better and Did Nothing...

Last night I was blessed and honored to be asked to speak at "Girl's Nite In", an organization that reaches out to teen girls and speaks to them honestly about real-life topics.  It is such a special outreach because nothing is off-limits.  Girls can ask questions of caring, Godly women and be assured that they are getting honest and transparent answers.  I love GNI and I am so priveleged to be be a group leader to some precious Sophomore girls! 

The topic I was asked to share about was "Toxic Relationships"; a subject I know far too much about.  In fact, I have had so much experience with toxic relationships, that I had a tough time narrowing it down to which one to share!  I actually started out going down one road, but ended up going down another...a toxic friendship. 

When it came time to prepare what I was going to say, I sat down and blasted out my testimony in just a couple hours.  God poured it out of me and I knew it was from Him.  I just knew He had something He wanted me to say to these girls.  I felt confident that I had heard Him correctly and it was confirmed by one of the leaders of Girl's Night In. 

What I didn't expect was the impact my own words would have on me.  Last night, as I was sharing my feelings about my former friend, and the obvious lack of Christ in her life, God slammed me with an overwhelming sense of sorrow and realization:  I FAILED HER.  I knew Christ, I knew better and I didn't share the truth of His freedom and salvation with her for fear of losing her as a friend.  I had years to share the truth with her and chose not too.  I failed her.  I failed God. 

In the months since our breakup, I have had so much anger and resentment toward this person.  She hurt me terribly; betrayed me and continues to this day to foster a relationship with my daughter that is agonizingly painful to me.  All these offenses however, pale in comparison to the sorrow I felt last night when God ripped that veil of anger away from my eyes and showed me in technicolor reality that she was lost, how could I expect any different from her?  I however, was the Christian and did nothing.  I knew better and I did nothing...

During my talk last night, I made sure that I mentioned that toxic relationships start somewhere.  No one becomes "toxic" without help.  For me, my toxic origins came from my family, but because of Jesus' redeeming love for me, I have been given the opportunity to break free from those toxic patterns.  My former friend's toxic origins came from her family as well.  I had an opportunity to help her affect a positive change in her life and familial patterns and I did nothing.  I could have shared Jesus more bodly; confront her in love with the gospel and the truth of Jesus' life-changing love.  I could have made a difference that could have changed her and her children's lives.  I did nothing and now, the opportunity is gone.  One day I will have to answer to God for my negligence. 

I share this reality with you because I hope you will learn from my mistakes.  If you have friends who don't know the Lord, please don't delay---share the love of Jesus with them.  Things can change in a moment and you may not have that chance in the future to share Jesus with them that you think you will.  As Christians, we know better and we can't stand by and do nothing when our friend's eternal life is on the line.

Dear Jesus,

 

Please forgive me for my sin of neglecting to share the life-changing power of your salvation with my friend.  I know that you are greater than my mistakes and I ask Father that you might right my wrongs by bringing someone into my former friend's life that is braver and bolder than I and will share the truth with her.  Jesus, I pray that she might come to know you as Savior and that she would be healed by your redeeming love.  Lord, continue to work in my heart and may I never again become so selfish and self-centered that I forget that I am your servant first, a friend second.

 

In Jesus Name,

Amen

Resolved

RESOLVE re*solve (verb)- to come to a definite or earnest decision about; determine (to do something)


I have a confession to make.  It isn't easy for me to admit, but I think doing so will help me grow in an area that has troubled me for quite some time.  Be gentle with me in your thoughts as you read what I am about to say....

I am a terrible church attender.  I love our church and I love our church family, but I struggle with regular attendance.  I always intend to go,  but when Sunday morning rolls around, I struggle.  This isn't to say that there haven't been times when I legitimately could not go (I have struggled with a nasty sinus thing and knee problems since mid-November---but, I digress...)  The point is that I struggle.

It wasn't always so.  I attended church faithfully for years and years.  I went every time the doors were open and my kids knew that Sunday was church day-no exceptions.  I was heavily involved in ministry too; I sang in the choir, on the worship team and worked in the nursery.  I attended bible studies and went on ladies retreats.  I volunteered to make meals and took my kids to AWANA every Wednesday.  My life centered around my church and I was blessed and happy.

So what happened?

Several years ago, I started dealing with past childhood abuses and entered intensive counseling.  The issues I dealt with were so intense that I started having panic attacks and couldn't leave the house.  I gained nearly 80 pounds and slipped into a deep depression.  In fact, I was so deeply troubled in my spirit that I started questioning my faith and questioning God's presence in my life.  I never doubted my salvation, but I doubted God's sovereignty.  Regardless of the reasons and the circumstances, I stopped going to church.  I still read my bible and prayed regularly, but all told, I stopped going to church for nearly two years.   After a lot of hard work, I was able to come to the place of healing and started feeling like a new and improved me.  I started college and dedicated myself to helping others who had gone through the same types of abuses that I had.  The only problem was that I had lost a very important habit: church.  I got out of the habit of attending church and have battled the temptation to stay in my jammies ever since. 

I take this struggle pretty seriously because God commanded me (and you too!) :

"And let us be concerned about one another in order to promote love and good works, not staying away from our worship meetings, as some habitually do, but encouraging each other, and all the more as you see the day drawing near ."  Hebrews 10:24-25 (HCSB)

In not attending church regularly, I am knowingly disobeying a command of the Lord and am sinning.  My friends, I don't want to sin anymore!  My life has to change and what better time than the start of a fresh new year? 

As I abhor New Year's resolutions, I won't be making one regarding my church attendance; but what I am going to do is resolve.  Resolve to attend church faithfully.  Resolve to become more involved.  Resolve and commit to become a faithful member of my church and contribute to the church family in meaningful ways.  I resolve that this year, I will get my "church habit" back.

Will you pray for me as I endeavor to change my life?  I know the enemy is going to come after me with all he has to keep me from making this change, so I could really use the support. 

I wish you (and me) a Happy and Resolved New Year!

But for the Glory of God

"Now a man was sick, Lazarus, from Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha.  Mary was the one who anointed the Lord with fragrant oil and wiped His feet with her hair, and it was her brother Lazarus who was sick.  So the sisters sent a message to Him: “Lord, the one You love is sick.”  When Jesus heard it, He said,

“This sickness will not end in death but is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.” 

John 11:1-4 (HCSB)

 

I had a moment of clarity the other day.  During our prayer time, the hubby said, "Lord, give us the strength to endure this trial, not only for us, but for the people who are watching our lives and need to see YOU in the midst of our trials."  My mind immediately went to the story of Lazarus.  Almost everyone knows that Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead, but rarely do people contemplate why He did it. 

 

Jesus spent time with Lazarus and his sisters Mary and Martha.  This is the same Mary who anointed Jesus' feet with oil and tears and cleaned them with her hair.  This is the same Martha who had the gumption to tell Jesus He needed to rebuke her sister for not helping her with the kitchen duties.  Jesus knew these people intimately and they, Him as is reflected in the sisters' message to Him regarding their brother: "Lord, the one You love is sick."  It is so interesting what Jesus does upon receiving that message.  Nothing.  He does a whole lot of....nothing.  Not only does he do nothing, He waits.  John tells us, "Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus.  Yet, when he heard Lazarus was sick, He stayed where He was two more days." (John 11:5,6 NIV)  By the time Jesus arrived in Bethany, Lazarus had been in the tomb for four days and Martha met Him there with accusation in her heart, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died." 

 

Martha wasn't wrong.  If Jesus had come, He could have saved Lazarus and spared his sisters the agony of their brother's death.  He loved Lazarus and was able to heal, so why would He withhold that healing and allow Lazarus to die?  Jesus alluded to it earlier in the chapter when He said, “This sickness will not end in death but is for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified through it.”  Then again when He prays at Lazarus' tomb, “Father, I thank You that You heard Me.  I know that You always hear Me, but because of the crowd standing here I said this, so they may believe You sent Me.”  (John 11: 41, 42)

 

There was a greater purpose at work in Lazarus' sickness and death.  Jesus allowed these things to happen in order to bring glory to Himself in the midst of what seemed to be a hopeless situation.  Lazarus' death was purposeful, planned and ultimately glorifying to God. 

 

The raising of Lazarus from the dead seems to be the end of this story and it could have been, but  there would have been no real point to all that had occurred.  Jesus didn't allow Lazarus to die only to raise him from the dead!  Rather,  John gives us the true reason for all that Jesus had allowed in John 11: 45, "Therefore many of the Jews who had come to visit Mary, and had seen what Jesus did, put their faith in Him."    Jesus' true purpose had come to pass and He was glorified.  He had a plan all along!

 

In the same manner, my current trials and sufferings will ultimately lead to the glorifying of God. So much of my life I have stood by like the crowd at Lazarus' tomb skeptical that God could do anything to help my situation. I have also been in the place of Lazarus; suffering for reasons unknown to me and wondering why Jesus hasn't shown up yet to heal me of my pain and deliver me from what feels like death. I have also been the Martha, "Lord if you had been here, my situation could have been averted or altered!"

 

My clarity comes from recognizing that God does have a purpose in allowing these difficult situations into my life.  If I remember the promises of God; that His thoughts toward me are always to prosper me, not to harm me but to give me a future and a hope and understand He is using me in a very privileged way-to glorify Him, it gives great perspective to this period of suffering. 

 

I don't know what the future holds for my family.  In my humanness, it seems very dire.  How grateful I am that His love and faithfulness overwhelms my humanness and that through Him, I have access to "every spiritual blessing in the heavens". (Ephesians 1:3) 

 

 



Prayer of the Fearful

Lord, I am afraid.  I know it's a sin to fear and I hate disappointing you, but I wanted to tell you how I feel.  You know how I feel anyway and I can't help but believe that just the act of telling you that I am afraid...speaking the words aloud, gives me some leverage, some sort of victory over the sick feeling I have inside.

When I lost my job last April, I was so foolish.  I truly believed that I would be out of work three months at the most.  We had to move and I waited.  We sold many of our most precious possessions and waited.  We went without and have waited. I went to interview after interview and submitted resume after resume and waited.  As the summer went by, I kept thinking, "What have I done wrong?"  I prayed and earnestly sought you Lord, but you have been silent.  This is not to say that you haven't been working, because I know you have.  You have provided for us again and again; but the wolf is always at the door.  Bills are always due.  Sacrifices between food and gas are being made and I wait.  The helplessness and my utter inability to do anything to rectify our dwindling circumstances gnaws at me.  It's a constant companion warring against my desire to "trust in YOU Lord with all my heart."

I have had joy in this journey, but also some very dark moments.  I have had sleepless nights, anxiety nightmares and felt you draw near.  Sometimes I call on you and again, silence.   I  just don't understand God.

The waiting is hard Lord.  I am asking for it to end.  One month and I will have no more unemployment.  I will have no more financial support.  Rene' and I are facing some very difficult decisions right now.  Decisions that impact our entire family.  Honestly Lord, when pondering the decisions that need to be made, I feel like a little kid.  I don't know how to decide what is best.  Rene' and I earnestly seek you, but we still don't know what to do.  All I know is that I want this trial to be over.  I want to be employed.  I am so sad that with Christmas approaching, all I feel is weariness.  Should I unpack the Christmas decorations, or pack the house to put into storage?  Should we sacrifice precious money to get a tree or go without this year?  I feel like a pack mule dragging around my insecurity and fear and my mind is always asking, "What are we going to do Lord?"

"Once I was young, and now I am old. Yet I have never seen the godly abandoned or their children begging for bread."

Psalm 37:25

Lord.  I believe in You.  Help my unbelief.  I cannot get out of this pit by myself and I know unbelief is a sin.  Strengthen my weary heart and fill me with a renewed sense of purpose and trust. 

"Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.  For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings. "Selah" "

Psalm 61: 1-4

The Reject

Tears pooled in my eyes as I read the email.  Yet another job opportunity had passed me by.  All the hopes I had of this trial finally ending disappeared as I started at the phrase "unfortunately, you were not selected."  I have been interviewed seven times for various jobs, each time being rejected.  This doesn't include the emails that I have received thanking me for my interest but I was not one of the "chosen" to get to interview.

Rejection is never an easy thing.  I remember being one of the last kids standing on the white line waiting for someone to "pick" me for kickball (side note: the school-yard pick is probably one of the most brutal inventions known to man...thank you Lord that people have wised up about the psychological damage it can cause to kids!)  I also remember being a girl that was never asked to a dance, never asked on a date, never asked to go to slumber parties and never chosen to sit in the front seat of the car with mom (or in the backseat with a boy...heehee!)

My whole life has been a struggle to deal with rejection.  I have a lousy self-esteem and when something bad happens to me, I am relatively certain it was my fault and I did something that deserved it.  I have a lot of bravado and can get my knickers in a knot when I sense an injustice being done, but inside, I hear a tiny voice telling me that it was all my fault and I am somehow to blame. 

The bizarre thing is that God chose me.  God chose me, Jessica Arenas, the candy corn addict, to have a relationship with Him.  I cannot believe it, but He did.  For reasons known only to Him, He finds me appealing and is absolutely crazy about me.  Before I was conceived in my messed-up mamma's womb, God adored me and loved me with a passionate, sacrificial love.  (Psalm 139:13-16)  The amazing thing about God is that He has every right to reject me!  I am a sinner, I fail Him daily, I am ungrateful, whiny and, let's face it, kind of a pain in the butt!  Yet, He doesn't reject me, He desires me to draw near to Him and then He draws near to me.  This kind of love should be enough to get me through the toughest of times, and yet, I still find myself mired in the muck of this world and my own negative thinking processes.  Maybe that is why I keep facing rejection.  Maybe it's time to learn to deal with the pain of rejection more effectively rather than wallow in a bag of candy corn  bed of self-pity.

This is not to say that there hasn't been growth.  There has!  I have come a long way and I want to share with you some things I have been learning during this season of rejection.  I am going to be honest and admit that I could do much better in reflecting on these things before I decide to dive into a bag of candy corn bed all day, but hey, no one is perfect and I am still growing!

1)  It is good to remember I have been adopted into God's family.  It's hard to be depressed when you really know you are the daughter of the Living God!

"So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith,

 for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ."

Galatians 3:26, 27 (NIV)

2)  God has a purpose and a plan for our life---even when it doesn't feel like it!  God uses the pain in my life-the pain inflicted by others and the pain of my own disobedience-to do a good work.  God's purpose is to do a good thing, a thing that really matters.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

3)  It's okay to feel sad, it's okay to pray and beg God for intercession, but at some point you have to suck it up, wash your face and move on.  King David is a great example of this.  While his "love" child with Bathsheba was paying the price for his parents sin with his life, David laid on the ground weeping, praying and interceding for the life of his child.  Once he realized his child was dead however, this happened:

"Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the Lord and worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and at his request they served him food, and he ate."

2 Samuel 2: 12 (NIV)

Some of David's servants thought this to be callous and strange but David knew that God had made his decision.  It was time to move on and continue to worship Him...even in the midst of the pain.

I am praying that this trial is over soon.  Honestly, I am truly feeling the strain of the journey, but I know that God is with me whether I sense His presence or not.  I am growing and every time I face rejection and disappointment like the one I faced when I read that email, I have a new opportunity to put some feet on my faith.  Praise Him!

Letting Our Kids Fail

Sometimes, we have to let our kids fail.

Two weeks ago, our 6th grader was assigned a project that will be a significant portion of his social studies grade.  He knew it was coming, was given class time to work on it, and was apparently reminded at his mother's house and at school on Friday that the assignment was due on Monday.  So today, when we asked him to get out his work to transfer to a poster board, he had nothing.  NOTHING!  He allegedly "left it at school".  He insisted that he didn't need the stuff from school---he had it memorized (at this point, the existence of said "stuff" is questionable.)  Rene' wanted to help him; babysit him so he would do a good job, but I disagreed.  If Joe wants to throw together a haphazard piece of junk and turn it in, we should let him.  He has to learn the consequences of doing things carelessly, and if we intervene every single time he chooses to do the wrong thing, we are going to have a serious mess on our hands when he gets older.  I am sad that Joe made the choices he did, but he is now going to learn a valuable lesson: accountability. He is going to reap the consequences of a poorly done project and hopefully, it will serve as a reminder in the future when he ignores his work.


I was thinking that the lesson we are trying to teach Joe can be very much like the lesson God is trying to teach me as His child.  God sometimes has to let me fail in order for me to learn what He has for me.  If God stepped in every time I blew it, what would I learn from that?  If I do my "homework"- study His word and ask Him for help-He will guide me.  But, if I turn away from Him, go my own way and ignore the "lesson plan", I undoubtedly will end up having to take the class again.  Following directions, doing it right the first time and asking for help when you need it is a great way to get a passing grade in 6th grade...and in life lessons. 

My Holy Rottweiler

I have been thinking the past couple days that Satan is a stinky, sneaky jerk.

Imagine you are walking down a scenic garden path.  Sun on your hair (which is super shiny by the way!), spring in your step, just feeling good and loving life.  You turn a corner and sitting in your path is a gigantor  beastie who just happens to adore shiny-haired meat.  What to do?  Do you ponder the intricacies of his razor sharp teeth?  Wonder if his breath is bad?  Observe that he has some red strands of hair sticking out of the corner of his mouth and wonder if that's the buxom gal from "Mad Men"?  Heck no!  You run like crap!  That's what I would do- RUUUUUUNNNNNN!  All of the sudden, I am Flo Jo, Carl Lewis and Obi-Wan Kenobi all in one (I threw Obi-Wan in there because I imagine that the cloak flowing behind me as I run would obscure my chaffing thighs.)

Now, wouldn't it be awesome if Satan's machinations were as obvious to spot as that a gigantor beastie? When you plainly see a beastie, you run.  It's that simple. The problem is, Satan is a stinky, sneaky jerk.  He is rarely that obvious.  Rather, he is a subtle, conniving liar that has just enough garbage on you to make his lies seem credible. 

Imagine you are walking down a scenic garden path.  Sun on your hair (which looks fabulous darling!), feeling good about life, when a tiny Jack Russell terrier bolts out of the bushes and starts nipping on your heels.  At first it's annoying and you shoo the little dude away.  You continue down the path, a little distracted, not as happy as before, but still, life is pretty darn awesome.  You turn a corner and out pops the Jack Russell who starts nipping at your heels.  You shoo him again, but this time, he doesn't leave.  You start to walk faster, but he just keeps dogging (pun intended) your every step.  That little dog is distracting you, annoying you, and as you harbor thoughts of punching that dog right in the snout, making you feel like the worst person in the world.  Pretty soon, this glorious walk is not so glorious anymore.  In fact, it downright sucks stinks and you are DONE.  You stomp off the path, climb a tree and wait it out.  Well my friend,  Satan is the nipping Jack Russell terrier on your heels as you walk down the garden path.

It's easy to run from the gigantic temptations in our paths.  We recognize the beast for what he is-it's clear and easily identifiable.  The problem for me, and I suspect you, is that it's the little things that trip us up.

• Believing the lies and half truths "You can't do anything right" "You don't deserve God's love"  "You are lame."
• Consolation found in the bottom of a bag of candy corn bottle, in food, from others; rather than in the Word or in Prayer.
• Engaging in a little "harmless" gossip
• Skipping quiet time with God because we are too "busy"

Needless to say, all these "little things" can lead to bigger problems later.  Imagine how much better it would have been if rather than "shooing" the Jack Russell away, you immediately pulled out your Rottweiler and told Mr. Rottweiler to "get 'em!"  That Jack Russell would have been tearing off so fast, he would have left half his hair on the ground. 

God and His Word is my Rottweiler.  Because He lives in me, I have access to him 24/7.  The error in my thinking is that I honestly believe I am walking down any path-be it sunny or stormy-alone. 

So, watch out for the nippers and the beasties....it's dangerous out there!

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." 

Ephesians 6:12