Resolved

RESOLVE re*solve (verb)- to come to a definite or earnest decision about; determine (to do something)


I have a confession to make.  It isn't easy for me to admit, but I think doing so will help me grow in an area that has troubled me for quite some time.  Be gentle with me in your thoughts as you read what I am about to say....

I am a terrible church attender.  I love our church and I love our church family, but I struggle with regular attendance.  I always intend to go,  but when Sunday morning rolls around, I struggle.  This isn't to say that there haven't been times when I legitimately could not go (I have struggled with a nasty sinus thing and knee problems since mid-November---but, I digress...)  The point is that I struggle.

It wasn't always so.  I attended church faithfully for years and years.  I went every time the doors were open and my kids knew that Sunday was church day-no exceptions.  I was heavily involved in ministry too; I sang in the choir, on the worship team and worked in the nursery.  I attended bible studies and went on ladies retreats.  I volunteered to make meals and took my kids to AWANA every Wednesday.  My life centered around my church and I was blessed and happy.

So what happened?

Several years ago, I started dealing with past childhood abuses and entered intensive counseling.  The issues I dealt with were so intense that I started having panic attacks and couldn't leave the house.  I gained nearly 80 pounds and slipped into a deep depression.  In fact, I was so deeply troubled in my spirit that I started questioning my faith and questioning God's presence in my life.  I never doubted my salvation, but I doubted God's sovereignty.  Regardless of the reasons and the circumstances, I stopped going to church.  I still read my bible and prayed regularly, but all told, I stopped going to church for nearly two years.   After a lot of hard work, I was able to come to the place of healing and started feeling like a new and improved me.  I started college and dedicated myself to helping others who had gone through the same types of abuses that I had.  The only problem was that I had lost a very important habit: church.  I got out of the habit of attending church and have battled the temptation to stay in my jammies ever since. 

I take this struggle pretty seriously because God commanded me (and you too!) :

"And let us be concerned about one another in order to promote love and good works, not staying away from our worship meetings, as some habitually do, but encouraging each other, and all the more as you see the day drawing near ."  Hebrews 10:24-25 (HCSB)

In not attending church regularly, I am knowingly disobeying a command of the Lord and am sinning.  My friends, I don't want to sin anymore!  My life has to change and what better time than the start of a fresh new year? 

As I abhor New Year's resolutions, I won't be making one regarding my church attendance; but what I am going to do is resolve.  Resolve to attend church faithfully.  Resolve to become more involved.  Resolve and commit to become a faithful member of my church and contribute to the church family in meaningful ways.  I resolve that this year, I will get my "church habit" back.

Will you pray for me as I endeavor to change my life?  I know the enemy is going to come after me with all he has to keep me from making this change, so I could really use the support. 

I wish you (and me) a Happy and Resolved New Year!