The topic I was asked to share about was "Toxic Relationships"; a subject I know far too much about. In fact, I have had so much experience with toxic relationships, that I had a tough time narrowing it down to which one to share! I actually started out going down one road, but ended up going down another...a toxic friendship.
When it came time to prepare what I was going to say, I sat down and blasted out my testimony in just a couple hours. God poured it out of me and I knew it was from Him. I just knew He had something He wanted me to say to these girls. I felt confident that I had heard Him correctly and it was confirmed by one of the leaders of Girl's Night In.
What I didn't expect was the impact my own words would have on me. Last night, as I was sharing my feelings about my former friend, and the obvious lack of Christ in her life, God slammed me with an overwhelming sense of sorrow and realization: I FAILED HER. I knew Christ, I knew better and I didn't share the truth of His freedom and salvation with her for fear of losing her as a friend. I had years to share the truth with her and chose not too. I failed her. I failed God.
In the months since our breakup, I have had so much anger and resentment toward this person. She hurt me terribly; betrayed me and continues to this day to foster a relationship with my daughter that is agonizingly painful to me. All these offenses however, pale in comparison to the sorrow I felt last night when God ripped that veil of anger away from my eyes and showed me in technicolor reality that she was lost, how could I expect any different from her? I however, was the Christian and did nothing. I knew better and I did nothing...
During my talk last night, I made sure that I mentioned that toxic relationships start somewhere. No one becomes "toxic" without help. For me, my toxic origins came from my family, but because of Jesus' redeeming love for me, I have been given the opportunity to break free from those toxic patterns. My former friend's toxic origins came from her family as well. I had an opportunity to help her affect a positive change in her life and familial patterns and I did nothing. I could have shared Jesus more bodly; confront her in love with the gospel and the truth of Jesus' life-changing love. I could have made a difference that could have changed her and her children's lives. I did nothing and now, the opportunity is gone. One day I will have to answer to God for my negligence.
I share this reality with you because I hope you will learn from my mistakes. If you have friends who don't know the Lord, please don't delay---share the love of Jesus with them. Things can change in a moment and you may not have that chance in the future to share Jesus with them that you think you will. As Christians, we know better and we can't stand by and do nothing when our friend's eternal life is on the line.
Dear Jesus,
Please forgive me for my sin of neglecting to share the life-changing power of your salvation with my friend. I know that you are greater than my mistakes and I ask Father that you might right my wrongs by bringing someone into my former friend's life that is braver and bolder than I and will share the truth with her. Jesus, I pray that she might come to know you as Savior and that she would be healed by your redeeming love. Lord, continue to work in my heart and may I never again become so selfish and self-centered that I forget that I am your servant first, a friend second.
In Jesus Name,
Amen
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