Yeah, neither did I. How could such an important subject and an important institution get no attention? Be passed over or ignored? I don't understand it, but I decided to do something about it. I want to acknowledge what marriage means to me.
Marriage matters even if the institution itself has taken a beating in the last several years. My marriage matters to me. As the child of divorced parents and putting my kids through divorce, I want to state unequivocally that I believe in marriage. I believe in soul mates. I believe in "Happily Ever After", white picket fences and holding hands when you are 90 years old. Having spent years in quiet unhappiness, finding The One who has made my heart sing fills me with such joy I cannot adequately express it.
"I found the one my heart loves. I held him and would not let him go..." Song of Solomon 3:4
I love Rene'. He is the peanut butter to my jelly, the peas to my carrots. He has taught me so much about patience, steadfast faith, and the joy of homemade refried beans. He laughs at me and thinks I am cute. I dig that. God has used my marriage to Rene' to challenge me and to grow me. Every day I have to make the choice to put another's needs greater than my own and to esteem him greater than I esteem myself. Hot dog is that hard! Some days I don't really give a crap what he wants or needs. Some days I just want to showboat it and do it my way. But usually, that selfish desire doesn't last too long seeing as I have done it "my" way in the past and yeah, it didn't work out so well.
"More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse." ~Doug Larson
Blending families has taught me much about myself as well. I never thought of myself as a selfish person until I became a step-mother. Truth is: sometimes I don't WANT to step up and be there. Sometimes I have sullen, sulky thoughts like, "I raised my kids...why the heck do I have to raise more!" Or, "These aren't my kids...why am I pouring out all my heart into them only to have it stepped on?" I have learned some not-so-favorable things about myself because Joseph and Joshua are in my life and I am being forced to grow up. Trust me, this is a good thing. I don't want to be the proverbial "wicked step-mother" so I know I have to die to myself every single day and confront my "true" self on a daily basis. Without Joe and Josh, I doubt I would have never seen this side of myself and know I would've have missed an opportunity to grow. I am grateful for them.
"You can never be happily married to another until you get a divorce from yourself. Successful marriage demands a certain death to self." ~Jerry McCant
Bottom line: marriage is hard. Life is messy. Marriage is divine and sacred. It's never easy. It's the hardest thing I have ever done and it's completely worth it.
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